Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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