It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
