everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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