You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
