I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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