I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
