happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
