so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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