dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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