I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
