Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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