You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
