i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
