Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
