At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize