Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
