i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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