Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
