We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
