Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
