did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
