sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
