If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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