Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drunk is not a location!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
