Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
