I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
