i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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