My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
