i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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