Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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