ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
