i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
