Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize