In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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