Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
