Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
