my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
