He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
