I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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