My first STD was from a foam party
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
