apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
