I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
