dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
