He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize