I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
