Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
