she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
