I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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