I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize