me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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