I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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