I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
