You smell like a Billy Joel song
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize