Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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