I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
