she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
