I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
