just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize