An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
