omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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