Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
