Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
