so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
