someone owes me an orgasm
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize