She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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