So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
