I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Someone signed my nipple.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
