dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it's great music for shaving your balls
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Someone came in the potted fern
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
