I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
