i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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