I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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