You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize