don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
