you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
