i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
