The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
