you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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