So drunk its hurt
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hippo gnu deer
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All the doctor said was why
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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