I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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