Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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