It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
