Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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