My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
