I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
