people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
