Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
