Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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