Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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