i barfeds in our rink
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
