Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
