I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
