Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
