where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
