I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
