Do you still have your period?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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