This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
