Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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