Already got asked if we're dating
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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