I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
