Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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