no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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