So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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