it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize