The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This is my gift to your gina
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
