Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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